When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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