I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
