If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
