This is not my ceiling
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
