I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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