I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
