Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
