His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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