I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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