sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
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Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
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Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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