I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
