we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
