i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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