Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
