Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
