What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
