u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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