just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
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