so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
