we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
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Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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