When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
