dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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