I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
