i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
