He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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