i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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