well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
