I am in a vortex of obligation.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
