and i looked up. we had an audience...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
