His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
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The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
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Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
try to milk me bitch
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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