My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
