I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
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It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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