The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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