But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
