found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
