dude i'm inner monologue high
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
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oh god was she eating orange peels again
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
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I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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