so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
