I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
