hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
