You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
