New invention idea: vibrating tampons
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
