so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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