Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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