Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
