I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
