chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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