the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
