im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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