on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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