The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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