P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
