one two three fourrrrnication!
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
