Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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