I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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