belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
