Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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