toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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