So drunk its hurt
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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