she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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