Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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