She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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