that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
