Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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