john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
