Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
