All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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