i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
