not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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