I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
