never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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