I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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